Chelsea put one cultured boot in the Champions League final after an impressive performance in a Madrid monsoon, despite more wayward finishing from Timo Werner. Jim has had to pull himself and a suspected broken rib out of Regent’s Canal to join Jules and Vish to get stuck into it all!
Elsewhere, Joey Barton confirms he’s just going to ignore Bristol Rovers’ confirmed relegation and Portsmouth found a spectacularly on-brand way to sabotage their promotion hopes. We also assess some sausage roll-related banning orders and Jim takes the reins for another round of Play Your Pards Right!
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